stay calm

I had an MRI of my cervical spine today. It was a lesson in calmness. The calmness was hard won. First a plastic cover was positioned a few inches from the surface of my face, my head was positioned on a very firm block, ear plugs and ear muff type things were put on my ears, and then i was told not to swallow for 15 minutes while the machine whirred and popped and clanked all around me. I counted, I repeated the mantra I learned back in the day when I trained in TM, I pictured beautiful scenes in nature, to focus away from the fact that I could not swallow.   And I was also told I was moving several times, despite how still I felt I remained, while I was lying on a sort of stretcher, with my face covered with a plastic like brace, on a very firm block, with ear plugs not moving. Evidently my jaw and neck could move despite my best intentions. Evidently my imagination counting and repeating mantras and counting energized my spine more than I knew. So what is my point? My point is that despite how difficult surviving that MRI was, I did find that slowing down my breathing, slowing down my own inner voice, so I could distract myself and focus on what I could control, helped. Slowing down my imagery in my head, imagining myself climbing slowly up the time ladder in the MRI room until time was up, was also a way to calm down. I enjoyed lying there in the MRI room, realizing that despite the fact I did not have my phone, or my appointment book, or any of my normal reminders of who I am and what I want, I survived.  I surrendered to the moment, and began to imagine my neck in a loving embrace, and my family and friends all around me, and all was well.