Christmas Tree is Real

What does it mean to grow up and be real? I use the Christmas tree as an example. Honestly, I think it means being a bright light to others, even if it's cold outside. It means learning to acknowledge and tolerate all kinds of internal 'weather' inside, happy, sad, hurt, angry, and not caving, not exploding or raging into somebody or dumping all of our hurt and shame onto somebody else. The Christmas tree stands as tall as it can stand, sometimes it tilts, sometimes a branch or two or more are uneven, but it shows up, especially when it's cold, and does it best. And all metaphors aside, how does a person grow up and mature inside, so that they can contain their feelings, use them as guides and inspiration, rather than an experience to avoid? Well, for those of us who had parents who had difficulties understanding and tolerating their own feelings, maybe modeling something not so good, like abuse, or tantrums, or drug or alcohol abuse, or what have you, I think growing up might require hiring a therapist our counselor or coach for awhile, who can listen to our feelings without judgment, without reacting, but more with understanding and wisdom, so that we can learn about ourselves, sometimes for the first time, and realize just how incredible we are. Because growing up inside, requires acknowledging pain in a way that requires tremendous courage. As we get older, especially,  looking in the mirror and recognizing our strengths, our vulnerabilities, our value systems, is important, and takes effort. Growing up is about BEING ourselves, not PROVING ourselves. It is not about winning, comparing, acquiring people or possessions to make us feel like somebody. Growing up is about looking inside and knowing what we feel and think ourselves; it is not about manipulating the external environment so we can show off and stand out and triumph over others. Growing up is about getting to know ourselves and especially our demons, actually, and not being intimidated by them, but rather being curious, compassionate, and patient with every single part of ourselves, recognizing that we all have blind spots, envy, greed, bitterness, loss. And being real is not lying to ourselves when we see our limitations, but acknowledging that we like everybody else, are human,  complex, and  responsible for ourselves. Nobody can do this for us; we are the only one who knows us all that well and we have to listen to ourselves inside, and this can take hours sometimes, but it IS possible. Being real in not blaming anybody else, ranting or raging about this or that, but quietly swallowing our false pride and taking honest and true pride in being a 'worker among workers' as they say in AA, one among many, not special, not superior, just real. Like the Velveteen Rabbit, a favorite children's book of many. I highly recommend it. To quote briefly from the book, regarding being real: "Real isn't how you are made... It's a thing that happens to you. When a child loves you for a long, long time - not just to play with, but REALLY loves you - then you become Real."

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